I am not Selling, I am Educating trap

 

 

 

“I am not Selling, I am Educating people”…

But do they Want to ‘be educated’ by you? Are You letting yourself to ‘be educated’ by everybody who wants to take your time for this?

No matter how much you ‘believe’ in whatever you want to talk about, or how ‘important’ you think that is, think of this for a moment:

What needs to happen BEFORE you open up to listen to somebody?

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Links:
Website:
http://www.hearttoheartselling.com/home.html

YouTube – More Options Coaching channel
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPFflBdhQmo7HjLIlSQ-gQyihhXq6lRSG

YouTube – Heart to Heart Selling channel
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPFflBdhQmo6vzHNi3Tx1AMoYb0OALPhc

Blog More Options Coaching
https://youhavemoreoptions.wordpress.com/

Blog Heart to Heart Selling
https://salesengineeringblog.wordpress.com/

Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/cezar.cehan

Linkedin
https://www.linkedin.com/in/cezar-cehan-3613b11?trk=nav_responsive_tab_profile_pic

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Techniques addiction – What if Connection comes first?

 

 

 

 Techniques are in big demand nowadays – we’ve been led to believe that this is what we need – a good technique, if we want to accomplish anything. Anytime we find ourselves “in trouble”, the first thing we focus on is “what is the best thing To Do in order to get to where I want?”

Question: What would need to be true for us, to do that – to look for a way ‘to operate UPON a particular situation? To look for what to Do, rather than what to Be, for resolving it?

Obviously, we need to see ourselves as Separate of that situation and of the other people involved. We want a particular outcome to unfold and we use techniques to control the external circumstances to make that possible. We start from the presumption that what makes that outcome possible is a particular external circumstance. Thus, we focus on controlling the external circumstances…

 

Paradoxically, however, we live through a different understanding when it comes to our bodies. And, I would say, this understanding works much better and much more effective.

Think of this for a moment…

– you’re standing on a boat, floating through the waves

– you want to walk from one end to the other of it

– however, the waves are shaking the boat

Question:

– are you looking for a technique to control the waves (i.e., the external circumstances)?

– or are you focusing on maintaining the balance of your body, knowing that this is how you increase the chances for you to reach to the other end of the boat? And, even if you use various ‘helping techniques’, you know that their true and first purpose is maintaining the balance of your body, rather than manipulating the conditions, or even than ‘getting there’ – because we intrinsically Know that “walking” is not separated from our body… our body Makes the ‘walking’.

 

I bet that the second answer make the best sense to you…

 

What if this is what we first and foremost need, if we want to create in Alignment to the Natural Order of Things: Balance of the Mind, Presence, Connection?

What if the purpose of a technique is to facilitate for Us to Connect and Become Present, rather than “making Them” behave in a particular way?

What if Connection comes first?

 

****

 

Links:

Website:

http://www.hearttoheartselling.com/home.html

 

YouTube – More Options Coaching channel

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPFflBdhQmo7HjLIlSQ-gQyihhXq6lRSG

 

YouTube – Heart to Heart Selling channel

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLPFflBdhQmo6vzHNi3Tx1AMoYb0OALPhc

 

Blog More Options Coaching

https://youhavemoreoptions.wordpress.com/

 

Blog Heart to Heart Selling

https://salesengineeringblog.wordpress.com/

 

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/cezar.cehan

 

Linkedin

https://www.linkedin.com/in/cezar-cehan-3613b11?trk=nav_responsive_tab_profile_pic

 

 

Children – the best salespersons

 

… however, there is a huge Distinction between:

  • Being Childish – being immature, having no respect, no consideration, actively and purposefully following your agenda, without any calibration for the person you’re talking with, like a bulldozer cutting through the forest
  • Being Playful – is a state of Presence, Connection, Awareness, Alertness. You respect and consider the person you’re talking with, from a place of knowing that They are You, and vice-versa…

 

When you are Present and Connected (with your-Self and with others), you spontaneously use the Golden Rule:

Do onto others what you would like to be done onto you…

Influence – Have you thought about it this way?

I discovered that too many people dislike or even resent the concept of Influence.

It’s interesting, because Influence it’s something that happens all the time – although randomly, more often than not. However, we influence and we Are influenced all the time. To dislike and resent something that ‘happens all the time’ it’s an interesting way of living life…

I got curious and I asked those persons Why are they resenting Influence. They told me that, for them, Influence meant “to Force someone to adopt your way.”

But is that, really, Influence?

Influence comes from ‘influere’ (lat.), composed of ‘in’ and ‘fluere’ – basically, means “in the flow”. How can be “in the flow” when forcing somebody to do something they don’t want to do? How can They be “in the flow” in that situation?

That’s Forcing. And, indeed, when you see Influence as equal with Forcing, that’s not appealing.

However, when you come to contemplate Influence as a natural process of life – like planting a seed, and that growing into a tree… or not…., knowing that you have no control over the result (IF the tree will grow, or HOW the tree will look like), and not even setting yourself for frustration, by trying to control that – you become free to start influencing everything around you, because you’re not “forcing” anything and anybody.

You just ARE. Your job is to “do the doing”, to put the seed in the ground. Then you allow the Nature, the Universe, to take over and to bring the tree into existence – to the extent that this will not affect the Harmony, the Natural Order of Things, the Dao. This is the “doing without doing”, as the Book of the Way says.

Then you may start to see Influence simply as “having an impact” on your environment, including on the way other people behave around you.

How would you go about Influencing others, from this perspective? You offer options to the person in front of you, on top of the alternatives they already have, fully allowing their liberty to choose, according to their own wisdom.

When you Force somebody to do something They Don’t Want, when you Force something into Existence – like cutting a forest, or detouring the course of a river – you break the Harmony of the world, and you may expect secondary effects lashing back. We are All connected, just as if we are parts of a huge organism. When one of the parts starts to do things on its own, disregarding the harmony of the organism they are part of, that’s like cancer.

So, if Influence means ‘having an impact’ by ‘planting a seed’, then Deliberate Influence means ‘planting the seeds you’d like to see growing in your life’.

I watched a child playing with a ball, the other day. She wanted to get the ball through two sticks, so she threw the ball in the air, towards those sticks, but it didn’t get through the first time. Then, she picked it up, from wherever the ball fell, and threw it again, without any resentment, any grudge, just enjoying the ‘throwing of the ball up in the air’.

I remembered that, ever since December of last year, I had this idea of creating a workshop – but I got caught under my own thinking: What If this happens, What If the other thing happens, or What If that Doesn’t happen? I realized that I was trying to Control the outcome, I was actually Forcing things to happen! I wasn’t doing Exactly what I am teaching!

Then I had this insight – Create the workshop for its own sake; just “do the doing”, and stop this compulsion to Control the result. Create it just like “throwing the ball up in the air”, ‘planting the seed’, putting things in motion – without Forcing things, without Attachment to a particular outcome.

It’s not my job to control the outcome. My job is to ‘throw the ball in the air’, and allow the Universe’s Wisdom to decide where the ball will fall; then, pick it up from there and throw it up again.

I decided to create this workshop. Actually, I’m calling it a Playshop, because it will not be ‘about work’, but about this attitude of Playfulness. My intention is to inspire for you this state of “I AM and I CAN”, of ‘throwing the ball in the air’, of ‘planting a seed’, and feel the joy of doing that. I want for you to Have an Experience of this way of looking at your world, so you can have a reference experience and remember it when you are facing a new start.

How many things could You get started, if you were to see your job solely as ‘planting the seed’, letting go of the compulsion to Control the results of what you do? That would be a place of Authenticity, because you’re not succumbing to the Ego’s need to control things. And, you’ll finally be able to feel good about starting that project that you put out for so long….

Start to Deliberately Influence your world – it doesn’t mean that you “go and have it your way, while stepping on other people’s throats”; it only means that you plant the seeds of what you want to have happen, and trusting that Life WILL bring that creation into existence – IF that will be possible while maintaining the Natural Order of Things.

Why people buy things

The reason people engage in any Exchange of Value (i.e., they buy things) is to improve the situation they are in now.

That means that, first of all, they need to recognize and admit that they Have a Problem.

Secondly, for the client to be able to evaluate the way your Solution will solve their Problem, they must allow themselves to “have an experience” of that Solution; to allow themselves to fully imagine what their life would be like if they owned it.

If they like what they feel and if the exchange is fair, they will buy. If they don’t like it, then you don’t want them as clients.

In other words, as a salesperson, after the prospect admits having a Problem, your aim is to facilitate for them to “have an experience” of what you have to offer. For that, they need to feel safe and secure in your presence, without any pressure (any pressure from your part will automatically ignite their resistance). They need to feel Connection with you.

The most effective way to go about that is for you to be Present, Non-Attached and Playful.

What’s your Main intention?

We enter every interaction with (at least) two motivations; one is Primary and one is Secondary. My Primary focus will determine the dynamic of that interaction and it will either hinder or facilitate the achievement of the Secondary intention. In a way, the Primary intention is the “channel” through which we reach our Secondary intention.
When you meet a salesperson who obviously wants something From you, how interested will you be in opening yourself and creating a true relationship with that person?
How would that be different if that salesperson conveys that they are alright regardless of your buying decision? Moreover, not only they are alright, but they are so genuinely detached of that outcome that they afford to take their time to learn about you as a person, to be curious about you as a human being. And, if they were to graciously ask you if you want to know about their product, how much more open will you be to say Yes to that, knowing that you can trust them for not using any “tactics” to “make you buy”?

Brian Tracy (or Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi?) said somewhere that we achieve the most important things in life by focusing on something else – for instance, we find happiness by doing something we love…

Next time you enter a sales interaction, Choose Connection as your Main intention and BE that person… This doesn’t mean that you don’t want them to buy, only that it would be Secondary to you. The more genuine the Connection (and your non-attachment to the outcome), the more likely they will trust you and will actually Listen to you when you’ll be talking about your Secondary intention.