Results are like the Weather

Many coaching conversations go around the subject of Motivation. People say “I know what I need to do, but I am not motivated to do it.”

Some people told me “If I knew that the action would be certain to lead to the result I want, then I would do it instantly.”

Going deeper, we discovered, perhaps, the main culprit – the thinking of “If I am successful, then I am worthy; but if I am not successful, then I am worthless.” In other words, people inadvertently link their sense of Identity with the results of their actions, and the risk for an unsuccessful result makes them stop acting altogether.

What if you were to look at those ‘results’ as you look at the ‘weather’? Both of them are out of your control and neither of them could be a criteria for who you are as a person.
– If something is important to you, do you give up doing it, just because the weather is different than expected? Would you not marry the person you love, just because the temperature dropped today?
– Do you decide that you are a bad or incapable person, based on the level of humidity in the atmosphere today?

Obviously, you’ll adjust your actions to the weather, but it remains foolish to use it for judging your worthiness or for deciding if you should Ever start or continue a particular project.

[I’ll talk more about this subject in future blogs, because it’s so common in the human psyche – and it’s so easy to give up trying when you take your thoughts or your feelings too seriously; however, becoming free to act the way you want is just an insight away]

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Selling and Dating

Dating is a Selling interaction and we all have a sense that certain attitudes are not helpful – like neediness, trying too hard or pretending to be something other than what you really are.

However, I discovered that too many salespersons tend to adopt (in their Commercial selling interactions) exactly the attitudes that they Know they would not bring in any Dating interactions (because they know it would not be helpful).

What if, before seeing your next prospect, you were to transpose Selling with Dating and make sure that you bring into the Selling situation only the attitudes that you would also consider bringing into a Dating situation?

What would it be like to consider your client as your Dating partner (and I hope you’re treating your dates with elegance and class)?

How to “create a Connection”?

I think of a relationship the same way as I think of a flower. How can you “create” a flower? A flower “happens” when you remove the restrictions that prevent it from “happening”. The presupposition is that the flower “wants” to grow and you can only facilitate the conditions for it to grow, all by itself, by removing the hindrances.
You don’t “build” a relationship by using a hammer and nails, but by planting a seed and creating the conditions for that seed to emerge on its own.

The same goes for love.

Yes, I agree, you could labor a relationship using superficial appearances and acting as to make-believe. But this would be superficial. Superficial is also insubstantial, and a relationship that’s not based on substance is not a real relationship.